Bologna = Heaven

A few years back we decided to change our eating habits. The kids have done an amazing job adjusting. For the most part. I lost 30 lbs over a 2 year span. (It's all back now because I love donuts). Anyway, basically we decided to eat more green smoothies and eat more fruits, veggies, nuts and berries. So for supper sometimes, we just munch on stuff. Maybe just cantaloupe and asparagus. Emma actually hates this idea. She's a definite "Mel" when it comes to eating. "What is the MAIN thing though, Mommy?" She needs a pasta or meat to qualify it as a meal. Well, we quit buying meat back then too. Oh we still eat plenty of meat - if we go out to eat or have our weekly meals at my parents. We just don't buy any. That included her coveted bologna and hot dogs. Bleh. Lately Aaron and I have caved and bought a couple packages of bologna. Do you know what bologna is made out of? Google it. Basically all the leftover parts of a pig. It's disgusting. I also saw a picture of a bologna cake when I was looking up the ingredients. Who does that?

So today Laish had 2 friends over to play - Alexis and Jayden. I put out a variety of fruits and veggies for them to munch on pretty much all day. Emma kept asking me what we were REALLY going to feed our guests. She proceeded to tell me that she hates it when I do this. "This" being that I just set this variety of goodness out. Her girl cousins were over all day Sunday and I did the same thing. She informed me today that she was so embarrassed when I did this and that her cousins even complained about it. She said they hate it as much as she does. I will find out the truth - Haddee, Eva, Kara and Hannah. If this is true, I may feed you mac and cheese next time, but I truly doubt she was telling me the truth.

So Laish asked his buddies if they wanted a bologna sandwich for lunch. Alexis asked, "What is bologna?" (See? Other kids don't eat that mixture of leftover animal parts either.) Laish's answer to this questions was "Bologna? Ah, it's meat that tastes like heaven." Yes, my poor children who don't get bologna. How neglected you are to not eat this on a regular basis. Some day they will thank me. And so will the cousins and Laish's buddies too. Emma, sweetie, maybe for your birthday I will make that nasty bologna cake for you. And I will make you eat every bite until you throw up and never want it again. Who wouldn't wanna be MY kid? My mom made us eat liver and onions. And you wonder why I love ketchup so much.

Welcome, Stay at Home Mommy

Bottom line is this: We have no money. I am not complaining about it. Yet. Quitting work has definitely cramped our normal style. Our refrigerator is pretty empty these days. There is no more out to eat whenever we feel like it. No quick trips to WalMart to get those little things that add up to a lot. My kids are starting to feel it and so begins the complaining. I tried to reason with them...."Guys, Mommy doesn't work so we can't do all those things we used to do." "But why did you quit, Mommy?" "Well, because I wanted to stay home with you guys so we didn't need a babysitter and I get to spend the whole day with you and spend quality time with you. I get to see all the firsts that Judah does." They both look at each other as this all starts to really sink in. Then they both agreed together, "We would rather you go back to work. We wanna go shopping." Sigh. I have taught them nothing. They picked money over Mommy. Brats. Yes, me and God have a long way to go with teaching them the important things in life. Say a prayer. Or three.

Here are some things we have been working on: (I love bullet points)

#1. Emma's room. Remember when I cleaned that out when she was in PA? When she came home she began to cry. "I have nothing to do in here." I tell her to go in the basement and get some thing and bring it up. Then take it back down. It's fun this way. Within 1 day - 1 day - her and her cousin Kara had that room a disaster - without making any trips to the basement. How does a child mess up her room so much with nothing? She's still mad at me. Some day she will love me.

#2. We need to stop yelling. I am a yeller. It's in my blood. Really. Probably comes from the Native American blood. (1/16th baby). God has been convincting me for about, um, 2 years now. It's the hardest habit I have ever had to break. I tried posting verses around the house. Someone told me the madder I get the softer I should talk. Pish posh. That doesn't work. Duh. Because I yell, my kids yell. So today began the day that we quit yelling together. 1st time caught yelling in the day, you have to say Sorry, I should've said it like this......... The 2nd time, you have to go to your room and right down this verse 5x "Pleasant words are a honeycomb. Healing to the bones and sweet to the soul." The 3rd time, you have to have 15 minutes taken away from electronics (reading novels for me) at night before bed. The 4th time, you get no electronics or novels at bedtime. The 5th time, you spank yourself. Shame on you. Let's see how this goes. It has helped me so far. Just to be present in the moment and say what I am trying to say without the yelling. I have to think about it all the time though. It's hard work to break this habit of 38 years.

#3. My sister Berta has been trying to coach me to get Judah to self soothe at night when he wakes up the 10x during the night that I get up and rock him back to sleep or nurse him. It's so exhausting. I dream of sleep. It's all I can think about, next to not yelling. I decided I would try to do this. Again. Berta says you set your time for 15 minutes, let them cry it out. If still crying after 15 minutes, go in, pick him up and get him calmed down and then do it all over again. This will continue for approximately 3 days and then they are trained. What the world and Berta doesn't know is I can't do this. Really. I get physically sick listening to him cry. Just thinking about doing this brings on panic attacks, migraines and some serious PTSD. Probably from my Mom letting me cry myself to sleep at night as a baby. It's not that I am a super softie. God knows why I can't do this, I can't explain it but I just can't. Well, last night I tried it again. I knew the strength would have to come from God. So Judah in bed around 8:00pm. 8:30 he cries. I lasted maybe 2 minutes. Went in and rocked him back to sleep. I went outside and bawled my eyes out, dry heaved and told God I don't need sleep. I just cannot do this. Period. Judah woke up again at midnight. He gave me strength to try it again. And I did it. I would go outside so I can't hear him cry (key point there) and then about every 5-7 minutes I would go in and pick him up. My mantra was "He's not in pain. He's not hurting." This lasted about 50 minutes until he finally did fall asleep, assuredly because Berta was probably up all night praying for me. BUT one time as I sat outside after about the 3rd time, I thought I heard a thud. No surely it wasn't Judah. If something bad did happen, Aaron would hear him and get up and check it out. (Yeah right. He sleeps like a log and never heard anything all night.) I go in after my 7 minutes and to my horror, here's what I found. I didn't put the crib side up bc I figured he's not big enough to get out. WRONG. He must've fell out of the crib, on the the floor and he was lying on his back with the box fan we have running for him ON TOP of him. Oh. My. Gosh. I felt like the worse mother in the world. Again, God gave me the strength to put him back in that crib and let him cry it out, even after that terrible fall. Guess what? He still hugged me and loved me this morning. No huge bruises besides his regular bruises from learning to walk. Praise Jesus. Now just a couple more nights of this. God help me. Oh and the rest of the night - well, he woke up at 6am, I nursed him and put him back to bed. He freaking slept until 8:30am this morning. Another blessed miracle from up above.

I feel hopeful today. Ready to take on the world. I don't know if you are lucky enough to stay at home with your kids or maybe you were like me the last 11 years and felt like you needed to work so you could be a better Mommy. I enjoyed working outside the home. I loved it. I definitely felt this time though that I really wanted to be home. I have said it before how weird that felt. I know God is smiling upon me for obeying His command to me. I don't think a Mom has to be home or has to work - it's your own family's decision. Whatever works best for you and what God's asking you to do. Don't listen to the world and all the naysayers. You just be the best Mommy you can be - for me it's no yelling at my kids and getting the opportunity to love on my kids until they get so sick of me and beg for school to start up in August. I love ya Emma, Laish and Judah. I pray His light will shine through me into you so you can be that light of hope to everyone you meet. I will never regret this decision.

Raspberry @ssberry

Yesterday I spent 1 hour picking raspberries at my Mother's house. Every year I tell myself "It's not worth it, Nita. Don't go picking them raspberries." Then I do. I threw Judah in a back pack and with a smile and prayer of thanksgiving and praise, I made my way to the patch. Within 10 minutes I had 3 mosquito or some unknown insect bites, a zillion scratches from the stalks - I refuse to wear long sleeve and long pants to pick raspberries in 85 degree weather, stained fingers and neck because Judah was trying to eat them around the whole neck area, and many curse words. Thank God we have no neighbors close by and that my parents were gone. Just me, Kattor, Cletus and my sweet Judah. Don't worry, he didn't hear those nasty words either.

Isn't he the sweetest thing you've ever seen? The black and blue head is from falling 6 billion times a day as he learns to steadily walk. So we picked and picked and cussed and picked and swatted and talked. My sister Shelly was supposed to come after me and pick so I had to tell her where I picked. Well you can't make it down any of the "rows" because they are so overgrown. So Renita did what any good sister would do. I did the entire border of the patch. I still got my legs and arms mangled. And I just took the best ones. Finally Judah was done so I grabbed my bucket and we went inside. I get in there to clean them and look down in my bucket.....

Yep this is all I got. That is maybe 1 quart. Maybe. After washing each individual raspberry, and throwing out about half because they got smushed enroute, I said it again. I will gladly pay my local farmers market peeps as much money as they want to pick these @ssberries themselves. Never. Again. (You hear that, Edna? Get your other daughters to help you with that. I am out.)

Just a little update.....

Here are a few things that have happened recently......

Judah walks. ANNOYING. He is in everything or walks over to my legs and hangs on. AND he can't get himself back up yet. He also throws his head back and closes his eyes and smiles his toothy grin. He looks just like Laish or Aaron most people say. But then they say he looks like such a Shetler. Hmm, which is it? He drags Hobbes our cat around by her tail. She still likes him. Wierd. He's the joy of our life and we can't imagine life without him. If you are wondering if you should have another, YES.

I quit my job of 10 years. After 20 years of working after high school, it feels weird. Awesome weird. My body with the fibromyalgia and headaches and every other ache just couldn't keep up with the demands. And it felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job at work. So I told my brother that I reluctantly quit. It was one of the hardest things I have done and yet easy because I knew God wanted us to do this. It's been a week or so officially. I had been slowly stopping. The lack of money hurts but we will figure it out. We did when I quit Roadway and so we will again now. I will miss seeing Aaron and the other therapists and co workers. But it's okay. I am doing some consultant work with people to help them start their private practices since that was a lot of what I did. That and helping people with their insurance is about all I can offer at this point =)

Aaron's headaches these past 2 years are probably from this cervical neck degenerative disease he has. He started in with nerve pain down his arm a few months ago. So we are waiting for insurance to be approved until we dive head first into treatment (cortisone shots, physical therapy, or surgery). He's in a lot of constant pain and rightly so, sometimes downright crabby. I would like to think that I am pretty empathetic with him since I know every day pain but man, some days I get mad that he isn't well.

Emma rocked it this Spring and Summer with softball. Her coach was phenomenal. Coach Wayne and his staff made her a player. (Takes after me, the softball stud. Shut it, Kar). 

She played great at Little League. Was Pitcher and is really doing great for her 1st year. Surprised me. Then mostly played 2nd and 3rd. She's got a good arm. Can bring the heat pitching at times for a freakin 10 year old. Always wants to be outside throwing and playing. I love it. She made All Stars which is like a travel league championship. They should've won the whole thing. BUT this red neck girl 10 y/o from Baugo who pitched, was good. She was a brat with a nose ring but good. Emma was one of the few to even hit off of her. I was so proud. I was up at the fence yelling every 3 seconds. It was like old times. (Goshen High School, Goshen High School...........) Baugo's coach lied about the nose ring which was taped and we were told she had a zit or some shit. Bottom line - the team had no integrity. We played good and fair and lost. Sucks but whatever. I was pumped and asked Emma if she at least had fun. She said no, she would've rather won 20-2 like most the other games leading up to it. Sigh. She doesn't share my competitive spirit but it will come. It must.

Hmm, since being out in the softball fields every night, we all got a little tan. My niece Tasha convinced me to dye my hair white and keep the back black. Lost a few pounds. Yep I am hot again. The kind of hot that is hot to my husband anyway. =) I got dragged to my 20 year high school reunion. I know, you would think I was 1st on the list but I was scared. It was okay but for some reason I was really nervous about what people would think. When I left h.s. I was a determined young girl with CEO of something all over me and was gonna beat every guy in anything they thought they were better at and sure I was gonna be successful. 20 years later I am a stay at home mom with funky hair and tattoos.  A little different kind of successful but nonetheless, successful in my book. Some were nice. Some were drunk. We left at 9pm so I could go nurse Judah and put him to bed. See you again at 40 years. Maybe.

Regarding Laish, here's the latest Laish-ism: Mom, you know when you get those boogers and you rub them between your fingers and they just disappear? Um, Laish, they don't disappear. Well, they aren't on my finger anymore. Where do they go then? I love him. Apparently I don't have any recent pics of him. Tasha finally got him to cut his mohawk off. Now he swoops the front of his hair with a brush and gels it. He sprays man spray on him. A lot. It gags me and I have to remind him that 1 spray is enough. 5 is too much. He wants to be like Aaron and with Aaron all the time. He throws Judah around like a rag doll until we holler because Laish doesn't connect the dots that Judah is crying and doesn't like this anymore.

Kattor is getting older. 12 or 13 ish. I see her back legs go out some times as she skids across the linoleum or tries to jump in the van. Lady warts all over. Aaron is convinced she is deaf. One ear is up and the other stays back. (Oh magdalena-pagdalena-rufus-steiner-heiner-deiner-hokus-pokus-lokus was her name). If you don't know, don't ask.

Indiana Life during Grammy Camp

There's no dirty laundry overflowing. We haven't run the dishwasher since Friday. I haven't cooked a meal in days. Cereal is often breakfast, lunch and dinner. Why? you ask. Because this is the blessed week that Grammy and Pop Pop meet us half way between our homes, somewhere in Ohio, take our kids and they head back home for a week of Grammy Camp in PA. Joining them, their 2 other and only cousins on Aaron's side of the family. Every week they do this is pure bliss and deathly quietness. Now we have a 10 month old so....whatever. It's still great. Despite the 9 or 10pm phone calls from Emma crying her eyes out that she misses us. Awww, my sweet Emma Jae. Laish just keeps asking if he can be done talking to me. I love it for about 2 days and then I am freaking out again and need them home to make my life chaos. Then I mope around for 3 more days. Then get pissed when there's only 1 day left and I have not accomplished anything. NOT this year (I hope)......

Here are the things I hope to accomplish while they are gone:
1. Clean out everything in Emma's room except for her clothes (current) and furniture. Everything else I am putting in the basement to sort through (aka burn) later. She doesn't read this. She'll never know. Here's a couple pics.

Not funny is it? She keeps EVERYTHING. A future hoarder for sure. Gotta nip that in the bed. Mom throwing out all your precious things while you are on vacation is always a good way to handle that.

2. Take care of all these outstanding bills for hospitals in Indiana and PA. And by taking care of, I mean calling them and begging financial help. We applied to for a sort of Medicaid now that I quit my job. But Indiana Medicaid doesn't cover anything in other states. WTH???? So we have to fill out a zillion and one applications for financial assistance. And they aren't easy to do either. Your entire life in this application. Remember we had Emma's Chambersburg ER visit, ambulance ride, and Hershey hospital bill. Aaron also had Chambursburg ER and some other medical clinic. Plus trying to keep up with the hospitals in Goshen with Aaron's cervical neck disease and nerve pain. My fake kidney stone ER visit and MRI's etc. Yeesh. Anyone wanna donate to the Detwiler hospital fund? (as if I have hoards of followers).

3. Rearrange my house. Not a big task with a toddler and a husband with no limb. Whatever. I can do it. I am moving my dining room into living room and vice versa. I just don't know how to move the carpet and hard floor to match this. It's ok. I'll weave a rug in my spare time.

4. Spend some quality time with Aaron and Judah. Hasn't quite happened yet BUT the week is not over with and I refuse to give up. Usually 1 of us will get up with Judah and the other will get some much needed sleep so we rarely SEE each other. Plus since I quit I don't see him at work either. Boo hoo. We are going to friend's tonight (Yeah Bronson and Molly) so that will be good times for us all.

Grammy and Pop Pop, we can't wait to hear all about this week. Thanks for taking off work and loving our kids. We know you will need some rest time after Saturday. The kids love this time so much and we can't thank you both for all the energy you put into this. Let us know when Judah is considered "old enough" to join. I vote as soon as he's weaned. =)

40 years of Aaron Blaine

My hubby's 40th birthday was Friday. My mom snuck to our house at midnight Thursday night and scared half our neighbors by sticking a birthday sign in our lawn. Edna. Aaron begged me to NOT do anything for his 40th. My dear introverted husband. Just so ya know, I better get one heck of a party for mine. I am NOT an introvert. at. all.

So I woke up Friday, got the kids up for last day of school, dragged things out til the last minute when I had to go to work and finally woke him up. You gotta be able to sleep in a little bit on your 40th. I found a babysitter for Judah so he could have the day free. Yeah. I am such a good wife. He wasted most of it working on his therapy notes at work, but whatevs. It's his day. He then went to Menards and spent lots of money we don't have on flowers and what not because he loves to do our landscaping. I didn't complain about the price. Much. My high expectations for THE actual day were, well high. I expected perfection from the kids, perfection from God, from everybody really.

The kids were horrible. I will spare you the details but I screamed at them all because we all were in tears by bedtime. I said, "Today didn't count as your dad's birthday. This sucked. Tomorrow is a total re-do." I felt so bad about it. Of course the laid back Aaron said it was fine. Everything is fine.
We listened to my brother Jay's sermon today about relationships and marriage. Aaron said afterwards, "So I am the CEO eh?" Apparently I didn't listen close enough because I was clueless what he was saying. Later we discussed it and we realized how incredibly far we have come from those horrible first years of marriage and figuring each other out. Coming from 2 very different homes where each of our Dad's were both very different and we each had different visions of what the Dad AKA Leader of the House should look like. I used to ask God why he didn't match me with somebody who was more assertive, more domineering, more vocal, more....more leader. Why did I have to be the one to say "Table for 2" when we go to a restaurant? Why couldn't he be more like...more like my Dad?

Fast forward a handful of years dating and 15 years of marriage: I love this man. Let me tell you a few things about how this man IS The Leader in our Home. He's the first to forgive. The first to say he's sorry. He takes care of everything that breaks, falls aparts, needs fixing. I never hear him complain. About anything. Ever. He's a silent giver/doer. He takes care of my parents and things around their house a lot!! He rushes out the door when I come home to help me carry things inside. He makes my coffee for me in the morning. He clears the dishwasher because I hate it. He plays and plays and plays with our kids until they are all tired and happy. He loves Jesus. There's nothing sexier than a man reading his Bible. He lavishes our children with gifts. He buys me shoes and clothes. He cleans the house and does the laundry on a regular basis. He makes me laugh. So very hard. Especially when he tries to make the noises our farts make. His energy never runs out. Not even at 40. He teaches our children when I just constantly nag. He tickles the kids' faces at night before bed like his mother did him. He listens and listens and listens to me even after a day where all he did was sit in his office and listen to his clients. He makes our bed. He encourages me with notes and verses stuck around our home. He makes excuses for me to relax and not feel guilty about it. He drinks my green smoothies even when they don't taste the best. He's hot. Have you seen his tatt on his back? I love it. He cleans every spill on our gag-me carpet - sorry that our son knocks something over at least 1x a day. He encourages me to quit my job to stay home with the kids. He reminds me that he didn't get his master's to be rich but instead so he could work less and spend more time with me and the kids. He graciously will move his restless leg syndrome body to another bed at night at times so I can get some sleep. He was happy when I told him I was pregnant at 37. He willingly got a vasectomy after Judah was born. He likes to make me happy happy happy by being my hero, my knight in shining armor. He enjoys being that guy. He looks for ways to be the kids' hero when I constantly look for ways to correct them. He balances me out. I love him. I respect him. I love every OCD issue he has because he wouldn't be Aaron without them. I love ya, babe. Happy 40 years of life. You lead this Detwiler Family strong and proud.

Pictures from package from Grammy on Valentines Day - they speak for themselves.