If you thought you were depressed before reading this, don't read on. Are some people more prone to problems? Like I know people that seem to always have drama going on. Is that us? Do people think, Oh it's just Nita and Aaron again with something wrong. Ugh. I don't want to be those people.
On our way back home from PA, well, it was terrible. Everyone was irritable and cramped in Aaron's BMW with more things than we came out with. It sucked. I tried to have a good spirit but it didn't work. Aaron and I yelled at each other throughout the drive. Yes, in front of the kids. They just laughed which pissed me off more. Aaron and I have an ongoing battle - I have to sit in the back ALL THE TIME to take care of Judah incase he cries. So Aaron gets to drive. It's not fun in the back. You feel every bump and curve, you get thrown around like you are at sea. It's bad in Indiana. Imagine the hills of PA. Yeah, I was a bitch. I held it in the best I could. Normally we have 1 option: let Renita drive (bc Lord knows I can't just shut my mouth). Well I didn't drive at all bc I gotta be Mom and take care of the kids, right? Ugh. Needless to say, by the time we rolled into Middlebury, I was opening the window to get fresh air bc I thought I was going to pass out from the pain in my back. By Sunday Morning, I thought I was going to die. I couldn't pick Judah up, I couldn't get into a comfortable position, nothing helped. The pain was right at my kidneys in the back and it hit me - I am having kidney stones. I couldn't stop crying - mostly from pain but also bc I knew I would have to wake up Aaron and tell him I need to go to the ER. This couldn't be happening.
We left about 845am or so to drop kids off at church (including Judah) to dear Aunt Berta. I asked Laish to take Judah out to car. He got messed up in the bags and crap we had on the floor and tripped, throwing Judah accidentally. I watched in horrific slow-mo as Judah flew through the air and landed with a bang on his head. It's amazing what adrenaline can do to make you move. I moved fast despite the pain. Aaron was out starting the car and by the time he came in, we were all screaming and crying. Laish felt so bad and was crying his eyes out. Emma was scared. I was scared and in pain and didn't know what else to do but cry. Judah was obviously crying. The look on Aaron's face when he came back in 2 minutes later was of disbelief. We dropped kids off and went to ER.
They were very quick there and in no time, they had me hooked up to IV's, blood taken, pee taken and got some meds in me to relieve the pain. Instant relief. They wheeled me to MRI to check my kidneys. 1 hour later, the doc says, You are free to go. Nothing's wrong with you. Uh, what? I had never felt pain like this in my life. I felt like such a fool. He says, just bad back pain. I couldn't believe it. I kept saying, are you sure there's not like a broken rib in there. They would just smile and pat my back. I wanted to scream. Then I looked at Aaron and thought, oh my gosh, this pain is all his fault. HE made us take that stupid BMW instead of my mini van where we could stretch out. It's HIS fault.
Well, the Lord fixed my attitude very quickly on that one. I spent the rest of the day with some unknown amazing energy (prob from IV meds) to get my house in order bc WALA, come Sunday night I was in bed with a migraine. I think our adrenaline took us as far as it could and then our bodies just said, done! I couldn't make it to work Monday or Tuesday bc of this migraine. (Thank you Kristi and Mina for covering for me this whole time.) Thanks to Mom & Dad for watching Judah and kids, taking Emma to her 1st softball practice, meeting the coach, taking care of Laish til Aaron could pick him up at 7:30 or so pm.
Aaron's at doc today bc his shoulder he injured as a wrestler came back with such sever pain, he looks like an old guy with 1 hunched shoulder. I am sure he will need physical therapy. (I am sure the pain comes from driving his BMW to and from PA and in between. Would it be there if we would've taken the van?) Hmmmm. JK, babe.
At this point on a Tuesday afternoon, I wanna give up the fight. I wanna stay in bed and quit fighting. But you can't. You can't as a mom or dad. No matter how bad it gets. You are that train saying, "I think I can. I think I can."
Here's a text I got from Aaron's sister Beck one day and I saved it to read over and over again. I may frame it, buddy, and put it in my kitchen. "We've had 2 bouts of strep, one night of 4 barfs, 3 random viruses, and Eliza had a 7 day fever. Everybody's house sucks. Everybody in the world. No matter how hot or pretty those moms look, somebody shit on her leg last night too. Some people are better at hiding it. We aren't those people."
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
From Hershey to Chambursburg, PA
We finally left Hershey Children's Hospital last night around 6:30pm. We drove to the Ronald McDonald House (RMH) to thank everyone there, make sure we checked out, and show Emma where we had lived for the past week. Emma made lots of friends (nurses, Respiratory Therapists (RT's), student nurses, social workers, Megan-someone hired to go around and keep the kids happy, the man with the Great Dane that visited the patients***, resident doc, attending doc, student doc, volunteers who come play bingo with the patients and siblings and hand out amazing gifts, tons of Ronald McDonald volunteers who go around with their Ronald McDonald cart every few hours). We asked Megan if there were many patients that don't have parents stay in their room 24/7. She said oh yes. Tons. We started to notice as we walked by the rooms - rarely any had people in there. One child we passed often had bandages on his feet and hands and he lived in a caged crib basically with the TV on all the time. Every so often I would notice a parent. I assume they either have other kids to tend to or have to work. But it just broke my heart. Aaron said he had so many opportunities to whip out his skills there - so many people in need. He wanted to offer to go read to the one kid. He would be down at the Subway and people notice each other's blue bracelets us parents had to wear, and you start chatting. The next thing you know, he said, the woman is crying about stuff. There were grandparents there from NC. Their grandson had a hole in his heart and had to have surgery to fix that and some things. 6 month old grandson. I almost puked when they told me because I just thought of Judah being stuck in a crab cage with a 5 inch scar down his chest attached to IV's etc. It was almost too much to bare seeing some of these kids. They were at full capacity while we were there - Emma had just gotten a room open up Sunday for her. 125 kids from 0 to 18 I was told. Wow - what a mission field. And so many volunteers at the hospital and the RMH. Holy cow. This blew my mind and every volunteer that I spoke to told me how blessed they were and how fun they have doing what they do. Do YOU volunteer? I may help out at church at times, but there were so many people that blessed us in our stay there, whether paid or volunteered, totally blessed us. Emma said she wanted to be a "Megan" when she grows up. I can definitely see that about my Emma. I can tell you I am going to call my hospital and see if they'll let me volunteer somehow. They'll probably kindly tell me no but I'm gonna try. Maybe I could bring Kattor. Or Judah. People like babies. I could take Judah around - he sure had an affect on the people at Hershey Hospital, sick or not.
****So, the gentleman that brought his Great Dane around to visit the children at Hershey's Hospital - odd fella. He was, again, a volunteer, bringing in his own dog "Banelli", on his own time, to make children smile. Us Detwiler's who love dogs, freaked out. Judah was ecstatic. The man asked if there was anything wrong with Emma's legs. She said no. He said, pat your bed. Sure enough, Banelli jumps up on her hospital bed. A Great Dane! It was so awesome. I was so intrigued, I asked this guy how he ever got the name of Banelli? (I am fascinated hearing stories of how people come up with names). He seemed so proud as he said, "It's the name of my shotgun." I smiled and thought, what the hell kind of man comes around telling kids he named his dog after his shotgun. Yikes.
****So, the gentleman that brought his Great Dane around to visit the children at Hershey's Hospital - odd fella. He was, again, a volunteer, bringing in his own dog "Banelli", on his own time, to make children smile. Us Detwiler's who love dogs, freaked out. Judah was ecstatic. The man asked if there was anything wrong with Emma's legs. She said no. He said, pat your bed. Sure enough, Banelli jumps up on her hospital bed. A Great Dane! It was so awesome. I was so intrigued, I asked this guy how he ever got the name of Banelli? (I am fascinated hearing stories of how people come up with names). He seemed so proud as he said, "It's the name of my shotgun." I smiled and thought, what the hell kind of man comes around telling kids he named his dog after his shotgun. Yikes.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Um Thurs? April 10
Well, well, well. It's been a roller coaster today. I thought we were leaving today for sure so I started to strip the beds at the RMH and do all the cleaning in the room. Aaron called me and said he wasn't sure we were leaving today. That they had to give Emma extra oxygen last night at midnight and 8 puffs of albuterol instead of 4. Ugh. I cussed. Really? Aaron said she was pretty upset. Then me and the boys came back here to the hospital and the line of docs came for their rounds, Dr. Resident Doctor suggested to the attending Dr. Biderman that IF Emma can do 4 puffs of albuterol from 12pm to 4pm then she probably could be discharged around 5 pm-ish. Oh praise Jesus. I had just texted Connie to bring all our bags bc I thought we were never getting out of here. Oh well. We wrapped her IV hand up, got her a shower, brushed her nappy hair and she is looking good baby.
We are ready to go home...to Aaron's parents anyway for a night and then we should probably start traveling home Friday. We usually need to split the drive up bc Aaron and I can't handle it. Ha.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Big Thank You's To.....
Grammy: for big butterfly balloon & a billion other gifts she gave to Emma and Laish
Bodie: for the cougar/leopard he picked out for me
Grandma & Grandpa Shetler: for Snoopy the stuffed Penguin
Aunt Lorrie, Uncle Mike Detwiler, Jonny D, Michelle & fam, Eric & fam: they rocked it with a gorgeous edible arrangement that is currently in the lounge fridge and has been shared with many. We are the new favorite patients. (Oh and Jon, thanks for the delivery guy too)
Ms. Sandra, Mr. Lyn, Andrew and Maddy: for the HUGE bouquet of balloons.
Mandy Troyer (cousin) and fam: the biggest balloon known to mankind and the cutest slippers ever!
Nurse Sarah: 1st nurse and best nurse here. She didn't want to her to go home w/o a kiss from Hershey
And of course the bunny from Pop Pop
I can't thank you all enough for giving to our daughter. These were such special gifts and wonderful surprises. It was such a joy to watch her face every time someone knocks on the door and says "Delivery for Emma". She is so loved. PS. Not posting all the crap my husband got for her. He's such a sucker.
Judah the babe magnet
They don't have strollers here, they have these.
Man, does he love it. We buckle his butt in there and there's a handle to push him. He loves it. All the nurses and docs are like "Oh my gosh, he's so cute" blah blah. I finally caught on today after Aaron asked to take him for the 10th time to push him around the hospital floors. I am pretty sure Aaron is enjoying the babe magnet factor as much as Judah. Just kidding. Aaron always takes 1 of the boys when I feel like I am ready to snap. And these hospital rooms are huge too. They are super nice. I still get massive clausterphobic. And the elevator rides - uh yeah - they light up like a Pink Floyd show every floor you go up or down on. Apparently this children's section of the hospital is about 14 months new. And, get this, they even have valet parking so I don't have to walk a mile from the parking garage with my 7month old and all my bags. Yeah baby.
Update #456,890 (April 9th)
Well, it feels like we've been here forever. It's only been since Sunday. I can't imagine families that need to stay in the hospitals for a long period of time - like weeks to months. Emma's been given pillowcase that's homemade, bags that kids have colored and made themselves. The Ronald McDonald cart comes around every few hours and offers Emma, Bodie and us parents anything we want. Laish grabbed a towel for me one day. Drinks, cookies, snacks, toys. At the RMH house they have a treasure cove for the patients and siblings. It's ridiculous. Laish has been given something every 3 hours or less. He's going to have major withdrawals when reality sets in and I ask him to put his dishes away or clean up his room eventually.
So this morning they told Emma she's got to spend the night again. Then they kinda said maybe she wouldn't have to. We've all given up hope of leaving today but not Emma. She keeps asking. If you will notice she has no mask on and no nose oxygen. She has been staying at the 91-95 without any oxygen which is awesome! Her respiratory is way down today 18-25 range. Another Hoorah. Her IV is still in but nothing going in it. So that's dumb. Her resident doctor was hoping to get that out and just give her pills for the meds. Right now she is on every 4 hour of albuterol and Flovent. Which was the goal. Awesome. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME. Now please, let us go go go.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Midnight thoughts
So this is what it's like to have internet 24/7 eh? Wow. Pro's: I can tell the world how Emma's doing and stay plugged in to my computer to keep my peeps in the loop. Con: Really only 1 and it's enough: I don't spend time with anybody but my notebook, kindle and phone. BAD BAD INTERNET. You guys wonder why I went w/o for 10 years??? This is why. Now here's my sermon: PUT UR DANG PHONE DOWN, NITA (and a few others of you, no names in particular except well maybe Reggie). I mean.........I love you Reggie. More than my other siblings. =)
We are back again at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH). Judah in his jailhouse crib, me and Bodie smashed in to a bed together bc us Detwiler's are close like that. FAMILY BEDDING - I vote yea and the rest of my peeps always tell me it's nay for them. Whatever. Most of you that know me, know I don't do stuff to stay in the cool crowd anymore. We have 2 beds here but we like to snuggle. Aaron pulls duty again staying at hospital with Emma. Blaine came to get Connie and take her back home now. She's gotta work and do normal people functioning stuff. Thanks Pop Pop for bringing my red bag so I can look and smell good again. (If you call showering and putting your same clothes back on feeling good. Ick.) I may have forgotten about Laish's hygiene for a couple days there. Tomorrow he is getting a shower and brushing his teeth. NO time to think about buying underwear or stuff. I told Aaron to go out and get clothes for us at the outlet place. He scored huge for me and Emma. He came back with socks and a cap for Laish. Socks for Aaron. Really, babe? Whatever. You did good babe.
***Fun God Note: This past Sunday (well a week ago at my church) Denise Knepp, my good prayer buddy, gives me this devotional book called Jesus Calling. I have been hearing about it and she keeps talking about it so WA-LA it is in my church mailbox this past Sunday......just when I needed it too. I grabbed it to take along on the trip. I pulled it out to read April 7th's devotions with Emma last night. It says stuff like, "I am the Potter, you are the clay. I arrange each day of your's to form you into a preconceived pattern. My love is at work in every day of your life. Some days are smooth and some days you may seem to be going upstream. But to stop when that happens and talk to me about it and let me guide you through the streams and let the circumstances mold you into the one I desire."
Oh. My. Gosh. I could barely read it bc I was bawling. She just looks at me and says, well that wasn't a very good one. Meaning: I don't want to think beyond a 10 y/o stuck in a hospital bed on my Spring Break but I really know that this is making me a better person and drawing me closer to God too. I also interpret what dogs are saying, specifically our dog Kattor and our cat Hobbes. Aaron thinks I'm a whack job but I truly do believe I can tell. Right now Kattor is thinking how much she misses us but she's so grateful that grandma and grandpa and Uncle Reggie are taking good care of her. Hobbes is thanking Kinza, Sadie and all the Yoder's for feeding her and keeping the fish alive so she can swat at them while we are gone.
The day is done. Day is done. Day is done. Emma was looking so much better with just a nose oxygen on 24/7 now. Well and all the other medicine too. But NO MASK. Thank you sweet Jesus. She still has the major allergy shiners - what they call the black bags under her eyes (kids with allergies. apparently Judah has them too. Whatever. Stop cursing my newborn with you medical problems, you Penn doctors & nurses.) They are out anyway bc what's his name coach guy that ruined life for them. MORAL: Don't molest children. Common sense. Really, the staff here is great. Awesome. Every last one. Even the janitor and lady that brings and picks up Emma's tray of food. This is a teaching hospital so there's always a resident, nursing student or like a row of 6 people standing in a line going through things while we try to pinpoint who the real doctor is. Half the time I honestly don't know. I just smile and wave. JK. I am a very active parent. They don't really look me in the eye that much when I am nursing Judah. I thought this was a children's hospital? You don't see mother's breasts around here? Does ANYONE NURSE THEIR BABIES ANYMORE? I'm delirious. I gotta get some sleep.
OH MY GOSH, Beck. Look at my writing. I apparently type just like my mom. Scary scary scary!
We are back again at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH). Judah in his jailhouse crib, me and Bodie smashed in to a bed together bc us Detwiler's are close like that. FAMILY BEDDING - I vote yea and the rest of my peeps always tell me it's nay for them. Whatever. Most of you that know me, know I don't do stuff to stay in the cool crowd anymore. We have 2 beds here but we like to snuggle. Aaron pulls duty again staying at hospital with Emma. Blaine came to get Connie and take her back home now. She's gotta work and do normal people functioning stuff. Thanks Pop Pop for bringing my red bag so I can look and smell good again. (If you call showering and putting your same clothes back on feeling good. Ick.) I may have forgotten about Laish's hygiene for a couple days there. Tomorrow he is getting a shower and brushing his teeth. NO time to think about buying underwear or stuff. I told Aaron to go out and get clothes for us at the outlet place. He scored huge for me and Emma. He came back with socks and a cap for Laish. Socks for Aaron. Really, babe? Whatever. You did good babe.
***Fun God Note: This past Sunday (well a week ago at my church) Denise Knepp, my good prayer buddy, gives me this devotional book called Jesus Calling. I have been hearing about it and she keeps talking about it so WA-LA it is in my church mailbox this past Sunday......just when I needed it too. I grabbed it to take along on the trip. I pulled it out to read April 7th's devotions with Emma last night. It says stuff like, "I am the Potter, you are the clay. I arrange each day of your's to form you into a preconceived pattern. My love is at work in every day of your life. Some days are smooth and some days you may seem to be going upstream. But to stop when that happens and talk to me about it and let me guide you through the streams and let the circumstances mold you into the one I desire."
Oh. My. Gosh. I could barely read it bc I was bawling. She just looks at me and says, well that wasn't a very good one. Meaning: I don't want to think beyond a 10 y/o stuck in a hospital bed on my Spring Break but I really know that this is making me a better person and drawing me closer to God too. I also interpret what dogs are saying, specifically our dog Kattor and our cat Hobbes. Aaron thinks I'm a whack job but I truly do believe I can tell. Right now Kattor is thinking how much she misses us but she's so grateful that grandma and grandpa and Uncle Reggie are taking good care of her. Hobbes is thanking Kinza, Sadie and all the Yoder's for feeding her and keeping the fish alive so she can swat at them while we are gone.
The day is done. Day is done. Day is done. Emma was looking so much better with just a nose oxygen on 24/7 now. Well and all the other medicine too. But NO MASK. Thank you sweet Jesus. She still has the major allergy shiners - what they call the black bags under her eyes (kids with allergies. apparently Judah has them too. Whatever. Stop cursing my newborn with you medical problems, you Penn doctors & nurses.) They are out anyway bc what's his name coach guy that ruined life for them. MORAL: Don't molest children. Common sense. Really, the staff here is great. Awesome. Every last one. Even the janitor and lady that brings and picks up Emma's tray of food. This is a teaching hospital so there's always a resident, nursing student or like a row of 6 people standing in a line going through things while we try to pinpoint who the real doctor is. Half the time I honestly don't know. I just smile and wave. JK. I am a very active parent. They don't really look me in the eye that much when I am nursing Judah. I thought this was a children's hospital? You don't see mother's breasts around here? Does ANYONE NURSE THEIR BABIES ANYMORE? I'm delirious. I gotta get some sleep.
OH MY GOSH, Beck. Look at my writing. I apparently type just like my mom. Scary scary scary!
Update # 2 on April 8th
So Emma's coming back. These pictures prove it. Her spirits are 100% changed, partly bc mask got to come off and just nose piece for oxygen right now. And partly from all your prayers and texts. She hated that mask. She stopped the continuous albuterol so she's not so jittery and agitated.
Here are some happenings: Aaron reminds me to change my shirt. I only had 1 so he went and bought me a couple. I may stink too. Bodie has spilled bubbles. He put a Mento in a Sprite and it overflowed in Judah's diaper bag. (Thank you RMH for the new diaper bag). How do you contain an 8 y/o active boy in a small room? His attention span sucks. He's got cars and little toys. Internet. Cable. New socks. New hat. He should be having a mini vacation for crying out loud. At the RMH they have Wii U (whatever that is), Wii, Xbox, everything a little boy could want.
I don't know what I would've done with out my dear mother in law being here. Thank you Connie for staying with Emma and sleeping on a chair for 2 nights in a row so I could be with Judah. You are an amazing mother and Grammy. Your patience and relentless doting on Emma made me so extremely happy and exhausted at the same time. She adores you! I know this trip cost you and Pop Pop too, time away from work and the church and traveling back and forth (Thanks Pop Pop), bringing our junk to us. We love you both!
Here are some happenings: Aaron reminds me to change my shirt. I only had 1 so he went and bought me a couple. I may stink too. Bodie has spilled bubbles. He put a Mento in a Sprite and it overflowed in Judah's diaper bag. (Thank you RMH for the new diaper bag). How do you contain an 8 y/o active boy in a small room? His attention span sucks. He's got cars and little toys. Internet. Cable. New socks. New hat. He should be having a mini vacation for crying out loud. At the RMH they have Wii U (whatever that is), Wii, Xbox, everything a little boy could want.
I don't know what I would've done with out my dear mother in law being here. Thank you Connie for staying with Emma and sleeping on a chair for 2 nights in a row so I could be with Judah. You are an amazing mother and Grammy. Your patience and relentless doting on Emma made me so extremely happy and exhausted at the same time. She adores you! I know this trip cost you and Pop Pop too, time away from work and the church and traveling back and forth (Thanks Pop Pop), bringing our junk to us. We love you both!
Update Tuesday April 8th
The next step is to take her off oxygen w/o it falling so low. They are going to have her be able to walk around a little bit too once that's off. She has only been able to get up and go pee and quick come back. The ultimate goal is that she can be off everything and just use albuterol inhaler every 4 hours. Then we can think about discharge. They asked how long we had. Um, our spring break is going on now til Saturday. They were like, oh good, we have time. Emma's just like, uh no, I want a spring break. Emma, when this is over we will get you the moon, babe.
Emma hates her pic taken so you don't see many of her, but I am trying. I am sure she would love to hear from you all. She misses everybody!
I Just Wanna See You Be Brave.........
How did I get from packing for a week's vacation at Grammy and Pop Pop's house in Chambersburg, PA to sitting in a Ronald McDonald House because my daughter has been in Hershey's Children Hospital for 3 days?
I sit here in our room at Ronald McDonald House (that is totally free, by the way, functioning soley on grants and donations. Bless you people who give). Rewind to the beginning of our travels to PA.....We left Thursday night to come to PA. Both Aaron and I hate traveling. It causes major muscle pain and headaches are a given. But we love to go visit. We were anticipating seeing Blaine and Connie and getting some much needed sleep (me) from being up at night with Judah. By the time we got here, Aaron had a full blown migraine and we had almost used up all my prescription pain meds for the week. Ugh. Ugly week ahead I could tell. Oh Lordy, I had no idea what I was in for.
Saturday afternoon Connie had taken Aaron to an emergicare for his headache. They gave him a Toradol shot and said that's all they can do. They don't give out pain meds there. He went home and tried to sleep but pain so bad, Connie took him to Chambersburg ER. After an entire afternoon there, they basically gave him some Demoral and he came back home. They also have a policy that they don't treat migraines with pain meds. Well why did we come then? He came home and by Sunday morning he was trying to function normally but still struggling.
At 3am Sunday morning I woke up puking my guts out. Last week the kids both had the flu, along with my Dad, my brother in law Scott and their kids........it was not my turn. This isn't your normal flu. It feels like your guts are being torn apart and lit on fire. I had the Big D all day. How was I gonna function and nurse Judah even was what I was thinking? Everybody had gone to church (minus Aaron but he wasn't functioning yet). Aaron's sister Beck and hubby Chris and kids decided to take off for their home in VA so they didn't get the flu too. Unfortunately, they didn't leave quick enough and by that night Eliza was puking. Sorry, my sweet punky.
By Sunday afternoon I attempted to sit up. Emma came to me and was wheezing. She said she used up her albuterol inhaler. Uh What? I heard her wheezing through the night bc she slept in the same bed as me but she often does and sleeps basically sitting up at night bc of her asthma issues. She began to panic bc she couldn't breathe. I had forgotten the nebulizer that we had borrowed from her Aunt Berta. Dumb. I began to look online for places to buy or rent a nebulizer, calling our doctor on call, missing his call back, calling again, never getting them, consulting with local pharmacies here, consulting with my sister Shelly since she works at a home medical place, finally coming to the conclusion that we better take her in to ER. Amidst puking and pooping my brains out, I hugged her and told her to be brave. Off she went to Chambersburg PA's ER with her Daddy and Grammy.
Fast forward 4 hours. I get a call from Aaron asking if I am sitting down. Um yes, more like laying on the floor with Judah bc I can't get up. Blaine had taken Bodie to park to get some fresh air and run out his pent up energy. He said they are transferring Emma 2 hours away to Hershey Children's Hospital. Not 1/2 hour away to Hagerstown, MD, not 1 hour away to Harrisburg PA but to Hershey. They were transporting her via ambulance. Grammy was gonna ride with her and Aaron was going to follow in his vehicle. I hung up and cried. Actually more like bawled. Or waled. I was an emotional wreck. I wanted to be with my firstborn and hold her. If you know Emma, she is brave. Very brave. But when she sees her mom, she lets her guard down and wanted her to be able to cry if she needed to. I wanted to hold her and hug her and tell her she's going to be okay. To not be scared. Everything I was feeling and wanting to hear too.
I woke up Monday morning feeling a bit better from the flu. Aaron called and said that Emma is staying Monday night for sure. He said Hershey Hospital is HUGE and the staff is amazing. Apparently they whisked her in here from ambulance on gurney to her private room with her nurse waiting for her by the door. They had transferred her bc the 1st hospital said they had given her 3 or more breathing treatments and she was still getting worse. The doc said Hershey Children's Hospital is equipped for respiratory issues for children her age. Yes, yes they are. Monday afternoon at 1pm me, Blaine, Judah and Laish took off to be with Emma. I couldn't wait to get there. I played it cool to Blaine that there was no rush, yes, go ahead and go to the church and get some work done first.
When we got to the hospital we went straight to Ronald McDonald house. A room had just opened up and we had to go check in first. Ugh. The lady was sweetly giving us a tour and I just wanted to scream and say I wanna go see my daughter. We got the room bc Aaron said the docs said Emma will definitely have to stay the night. Apparently nurse Sarah didn't know Emma didn't know this and said something. Emma burst into tears. She wanted to go home. Home home. When we finally got to her room, I hugged her to pieces. She seemed "normal" in the sense where she can't wait to see you but when you get there, she doesn't know how to tell you that she's glad to see you so she acts like she doesn't care. Well, that's my interpretation anyway. At this point she has had tons of albuterol treatments. Do you know what someone is like after that? It's like speed. She said her heart is beating out of her head. She can't stop shaking, She is jumpy. She's constantly squeezing something. Rutchy. Rutchy. Rutchy. She's irritable and annoyed with everything. Her heart rate stays about 170 or more. Normal heart rate is 60 to 100. The docs say it's okay for her little heart to be beating that fast. She keeps an oxygen mask on 24/7 except to eat and has to put it back on during that when machine starts to beep. Her oxygen level should be around 95 to 100 and she can barely keep it at 93 with oxygen on 24/7. Her breathing sounds like a freight train. Repsiratory Therapist (RT) let me hear it. Her respiratory breathing # was between 40-70. The RT said it should be about 12. She just is taking quick short breaths and coughs like she's smoke a billion cigarettes. Every doctor that came in just kept saying quickly, nope, she doesn't sound good. They said you don't mess around with asthma. Nurse Sarah asked if she could talk to me in private. I thought oh Lord, now what. She said she just wanted to warn me that Emma is probably going to be here AT LEAST another night. Get her prepared. All evening she cried. She wants to go home. Her IV hurts her. She wants to take her oxygen mask off. Even though it's decorated with animal faces, it hurts her ears and head and she's not comfortable. Oh Emma, I need to see you be brave. Me and Grammy held her and prayed over her. Emma has an easy time telling me how much she hurts but when a nurse or doc or RT comes in, she's fine. She's brave. She's very brave.
I left bawling again bc she wanted me to stay but I had to be with Judah to nurse through night. So Daddy stays but Grammy stays too bc Daddy falls asleep and doesn't wake up when the nurses come in like Grammy does. Plus, to her dismay, Daddy farts in his sleep when nurses come in during the night. She tried to cover her face with her stuffed animals from embarrassment. I guess the nurse just feigned ignorance.
We got to Ronald McDonald house and I walk into our room and there's a crib with a quilt, a 31 diaper bag with a sticky note "from RH mgmt" as if it's no big deal. For some reason that hit me and I couldn't quit crying. Everyone had been so nice. Thank you Jesus for people who love their job.
Emma, Mommy is so proud of you. You are so so brave. When they come in to stick you for blood and your brave tears flow when it's all done, it makes me love you more. When you look at me with those eyes full of pain and fear and my Momma heart about rips in two bc I want to take it all away, I know God is working in you and making you a stronger person. And when you ask me with tears why you have to be the one with asthma, eczema, itchy toes, why me? I don't have the answer, my sweet girl, but I do know that if anybody has to be brave, it's you. God made you with a special quality of amazing 10 year old strength. You wear that strength with pride, baby girl. My theme song is the one by Sara Bareilles that you have been singing for weeks and weeks......I wanna see you be brave, Emma Jae.
I sit here in our room at Ronald McDonald House (that is totally free, by the way, functioning soley on grants and donations. Bless you people who give). Rewind to the beginning of our travels to PA.....We left Thursday night to come to PA. Both Aaron and I hate traveling. It causes major muscle pain and headaches are a given. But we love to go visit. We were anticipating seeing Blaine and Connie and getting some much needed sleep (me) from being up at night with Judah. By the time we got here, Aaron had a full blown migraine and we had almost used up all my prescription pain meds for the week. Ugh. Ugly week ahead I could tell. Oh Lordy, I had no idea what I was in for.
Saturday afternoon Connie had taken Aaron to an emergicare for his headache. They gave him a Toradol shot and said that's all they can do. They don't give out pain meds there. He went home and tried to sleep but pain so bad, Connie took him to Chambersburg ER. After an entire afternoon there, they basically gave him some Demoral and he came back home. They also have a policy that they don't treat migraines with pain meds. Well why did we come then? He came home and by Sunday morning he was trying to function normally but still struggling.
At 3am Sunday morning I woke up puking my guts out. Last week the kids both had the flu, along with my Dad, my brother in law Scott and their kids........it was not my turn. This isn't your normal flu. It feels like your guts are being torn apart and lit on fire. I had the Big D all day. How was I gonna function and nurse Judah even was what I was thinking? Everybody had gone to church (minus Aaron but he wasn't functioning yet). Aaron's sister Beck and hubby Chris and kids decided to take off for their home in VA so they didn't get the flu too. Unfortunately, they didn't leave quick enough and by that night Eliza was puking. Sorry, my sweet punky.
By Sunday afternoon I attempted to sit up. Emma came to me and was wheezing. She said she used up her albuterol inhaler. Uh What? I heard her wheezing through the night bc she slept in the same bed as me but she often does and sleeps basically sitting up at night bc of her asthma issues. She began to panic bc she couldn't breathe. I had forgotten the nebulizer that we had borrowed from her Aunt Berta. Dumb. I began to look online for places to buy or rent a nebulizer, calling our doctor on call, missing his call back, calling again, never getting them, consulting with local pharmacies here, consulting with my sister Shelly since she works at a home medical place, finally coming to the conclusion that we better take her in to ER. Amidst puking and pooping my brains out, I hugged her and told her to be brave. Off she went to Chambersburg PA's ER with her Daddy and Grammy.
Fast forward 4 hours. I get a call from Aaron asking if I am sitting down. Um yes, more like laying on the floor with Judah bc I can't get up. Blaine had taken Bodie to park to get some fresh air and run out his pent up energy. He said they are transferring Emma 2 hours away to Hershey Children's Hospital. Not 1/2 hour away to Hagerstown, MD, not 1 hour away to Harrisburg PA but to Hershey. They were transporting her via ambulance. Grammy was gonna ride with her and Aaron was going to follow in his vehicle. I hung up and cried. Actually more like bawled. Or waled. I was an emotional wreck. I wanted to be with my firstborn and hold her. If you know Emma, she is brave. Very brave. But when she sees her mom, she lets her guard down and wanted her to be able to cry if she needed to. I wanted to hold her and hug her and tell her she's going to be okay. To not be scared. Everything I was feeling and wanting to hear too.
I woke up Monday morning feeling a bit better from the flu. Aaron called and said that Emma is staying Monday night for sure. He said Hershey Hospital is HUGE and the staff is amazing. Apparently they whisked her in here from ambulance on gurney to her private room with her nurse waiting for her by the door. They had transferred her bc the 1st hospital said they had given her 3 or more breathing treatments and she was still getting worse. The doc said Hershey Children's Hospital is equipped for respiratory issues for children her age. Yes, yes they are. Monday afternoon at 1pm me, Blaine, Judah and Laish took off to be with Emma. I couldn't wait to get there. I played it cool to Blaine that there was no rush, yes, go ahead and go to the church and get some work done first.
When we got to the hospital we went straight to Ronald McDonald house. A room had just opened up and we had to go check in first. Ugh. The lady was sweetly giving us a tour and I just wanted to scream and say I wanna go see my daughter. We got the room bc Aaron said the docs said Emma will definitely have to stay the night. Apparently nurse Sarah didn't know Emma didn't know this and said something. Emma burst into tears. She wanted to go home. Home home. When we finally got to her room, I hugged her to pieces. She seemed "normal" in the sense where she can't wait to see you but when you get there, she doesn't know how to tell you that she's glad to see you so she acts like she doesn't care. Well, that's my interpretation anyway. At this point she has had tons of albuterol treatments. Do you know what someone is like after that? It's like speed. She said her heart is beating out of her head. She can't stop shaking, She is jumpy. She's constantly squeezing something. Rutchy. Rutchy. Rutchy. She's irritable and annoyed with everything. Her heart rate stays about 170 or more. Normal heart rate is 60 to 100. The docs say it's okay for her little heart to be beating that fast. She keeps an oxygen mask on 24/7 except to eat and has to put it back on during that when machine starts to beep. Her oxygen level should be around 95 to 100 and she can barely keep it at 93 with oxygen on 24/7. Her breathing sounds like a freight train. Repsiratory Therapist (RT) let me hear it. Her respiratory breathing # was between 40-70. The RT said it should be about 12. She just is taking quick short breaths and coughs like she's smoke a billion cigarettes. Every doctor that came in just kept saying quickly, nope, she doesn't sound good. They said you don't mess around with asthma. Nurse Sarah asked if she could talk to me in private. I thought oh Lord, now what. She said she just wanted to warn me that Emma is probably going to be here AT LEAST another night. Get her prepared. All evening she cried. She wants to go home. Her IV hurts her. She wants to take her oxygen mask off. Even though it's decorated with animal faces, it hurts her ears and head and she's not comfortable. Oh Emma, I need to see you be brave. Me and Grammy held her and prayed over her. Emma has an easy time telling me how much she hurts but when a nurse or doc or RT comes in, she's fine. She's brave. She's very brave.
I left bawling again bc she wanted me to stay but I had to be with Judah to nurse through night. So Daddy stays but Grammy stays too bc Daddy falls asleep and doesn't wake up when the nurses come in like Grammy does. Plus, to her dismay, Daddy farts in his sleep when nurses come in during the night. She tried to cover her face with her stuffed animals from embarrassment. I guess the nurse just feigned ignorance.
We got to Ronald McDonald house and I walk into our room and there's a crib with a quilt, a 31 diaper bag with a sticky note "from RH mgmt" as if it's no big deal. For some reason that hit me and I couldn't quit crying. Everyone had been so nice. Thank you Jesus for people who love their job.
Emma, Mommy is so proud of you. You are so so brave. When they come in to stick you for blood and your brave tears flow when it's all done, it makes me love you more. When you look at me with those eyes full of pain and fear and my Momma heart about rips in two bc I want to take it all away, I know God is working in you and making you a stronger person. And when you ask me with tears why you have to be the one with asthma, eczema, itchy toes, why me? I don't have the answer, my sweet girl, but I do know that if anybody has to be brave, it's you. God made you with a special quality of amazing 10 year old strength. You wear that strength with pride, baby girl. My theme song is the one by Sara Bareilles that you have been singing for weeks and weeks......I wanna see you be brave, Emma Jae.
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