How did I get from packing for a week's vacation at Grammy and Pop Pop's house in Chambersburg, PA to sitting in a Ronald McDonald House because my daughter has been in Hershey's Children Hospital for 3 days?
I sit here in our room at Ronald McDonald House (that is totally free, by the way, functioning soley on grants and donations. Bless you people who give). Rewind to the beginning of our travels to PA.....We left Thursday night to come to PA. Both Aaron and I hate traveling. It causes major muscle pain and headaches are a given. But we love to go visit. We were anticipating seeing Blaine and Connie and getting some much needed sleep (me) from being up at night with Judah. By the time we got here, Aaron had a full blown migraine and we had almost used up all my prescription pain meds for the week. Ugh. Ugly week ahead I could tell. Oh Lordy, I had no idea what I was in for.
Saturday afternoon Connie had taken Aaron to an emergicare for his headache. They gave him a Toradol shot and said that's all they can do. They don't give out pain meds there. He went home and tried to sleep but pain so bad, Connie took him to Chambersburg ER. After an entire afternoon there, they basically gave him some Demoral and he came back home. They also have a policy that they don't treat migraines with pain meds. Well why did we come then? He came home and by Sunday morning he was trying to function normally but still struggling.
At 3am Sunday morning I woke up puking my guts out. Last week the kids both had the flu, along with my Dad, my brother in law Scott and their kids........it was not my turn. This isn't your normal flu. It feels like your guts are being torn apart and lit on fire. I had the Big D all day. How was I gonna function and nurse Judah even was what I was thinking? Everybody had gone to church (minus Aaron but he wasn't functioning yet). Aaron's sister Beck and hubby Chris and kids decided to take off for their home in VA so they didn't get the flu too. Unfortunately, they didn't leave quick enough and by that night Eliza was puking. Sorry, my sweet punky.
By Sunday afternoon I attempted to sit up. Emma came to me and was wheezing. She said she used up her albuterol inhaler. Uh What? I heard her wheezing through the night bc she slept in the same bed as me but she often does and sleeps basically sitting up at night bc of her asthma issues. She began to panic bc she couldn't breathe. I had forgotten the nebulizer that we had borrowed from her Aunt Berta. Dumb. I began to look online for places to buy or rent a nebulizer, calling our doctor on call, missing his call back, calling again, never getting them, consulting with local pharmacies here, consulting with my sister Shelly since she works at a home medical place, finally coming to the conclusion that we better take her in to ER. Amidst puking and pooping my brains out, I hugged her and told her to be brave. Off she went to Chambersburg PA's ER with her Daddy and Grammy.
Fast forward 4 hours. I get a call from Aaron asking if I am sitting down. Um yes, more like laying on the floor with Judah bc I can't get up. Blaine had taken Bodie to park to get some fresh air and run out his pent up energy. He said they are transferring Emma 2 hours away to Hershey Children's Hospital. Not 1/2 hour away to Hagerstown, MD, not 1 hour away to Harrisburg PA but to Hershey. They were transporting her via ambulance. Grammy was gonna ride with her and Aaron was going to follow in his vehicle. I hung up and cried. Actually more like bawled. Or waled. I was an emotional wreck. I wanted to be with my firstborn and hold her. If you know Emma, she is brave. Very brave. But when she sees her mom, she lets her guard down and wanted her to be able to cry if she needed to. I wanted to hold her and hug her and tell her she's going to be okay. To not be scared. Everything I was feeling and wanting to hear too.
I woke up Monday morning feeling a bit better from the flu. Aaron called and said that Emma is staying Monday night for sure. He said Hershey Hospital is HUGE and the staff is amazing. Apparently they whisked her in here from ambulance on gurney to her private room with her nurse waiting for her by the door. They had transferred her bc the 1st hospital said they had given her 3 or more breathing treatments and she was still getting worse. The doc said Hershey Children's Hospital is equipped for respiratory issues for children her age. Yes, yes they are. Monday afternoon at 1pm me, Blaine, Judah and Laish took off to be with Emma. I couldn't wait to get there. I played it cool to Blaine that there was no rush, yes, go ahead and go to the church and get some work done first.
When we got to the hospital we went straight to Ronald McDonald house. A room had just opened up and we had to go check in first. Ugh. The lady was sweetly giving us a tour and I just wanted to scream and say I wanna go see my daughter. We got the room bc Aaron said the docs said Emma will definitely have to stay the night. Apparently nurse Sarah didn't know Emma didn't know this and said something. Emma burst into tears. She wanted to go home. Home home. When we finally got to her room, I hugged her to pieces. She seemed "normal" in the sense where she can't wait to see you but when you get there, she doesn't know how to tell you that she's glad to see you so she acts like she doesn't care. Well, that's my interpretation anyway. At this point she has had tons of albuterol treatments. Do you know what someone is like after that? It's like speed. She said her heart is beating out of her head. She can't stop shaking, She is jumpy. She's constantly squeezing something. Rutchy. Rutchy. Rutchy. She's irritable and annoyed with everything. Her heart rate stays about 170 or more. Normal heart rate is 60 to 100. The docs say it's okay for her little heart to be beating that fast. She keeps an oxygen mask on 24/7 except to eat and has to put it back on during that when machine starts to beep. Her oxygen level should be around 95 to 100 and she can barely keep it at 93 with oxygen on 24/7. Her breathing sounds like a freight train. Repsiratory Therapist (RT) let me hear it. Her respiratory breathing # was between 40-70. The RT said it should be about 12. She just is taking quick short breaths and coughs like she's smoke a billion cigarettes. Every doctor that came in just kept saying quickly, nope, she doesn't sound good. They said you don't mess around with asthma. Nurse Sarah asked if she could talk to me in private. I thought oh Lord, now what. She said she just wanted to warn me that Emma is probably going to be here AT LEAST another night. Get her prepared. All evening she cried. She wants to go home. Her IV hurts her. She wants to take her oxygen mask off. Even though it's decorated with animal faces, it hurts her ears and head and she's not comfortable. Oh Emma, I need to see you be brave. Me and Grammy held her and prayed over her. Emma has an easy time telling me how much she hurts but when a nurse or doc or RT comes in, she's fine. She's brave. She's very brave.
I left bawling again bc she wanted me to stay but I had to be with Judah to nurse through night. So Daddy stays but Grammy stays too bc Daddy falls asleep and doesn't wake up when the nurses come in like Grammy does. Plus, to her dismay, Daddy farts in his sleep when nurses come in during the night. She tried to cover her face with her stuffed animals from embarrassment. I guess the nurse just feigned ignorance.
We got to Ronald McDonald house and I walk into our room and there's a crib with a quilt, a 31 diaper bag with a sticky note "from RH mgmt" as if it's no big deal. For some reason that hit me and I couldn't quit crying. Everyone had been so nice. Thank you Jesus for people who love their job.
Emma, Mommy is so proud of you. You are so so brave. When they come in to stick you for blood and your brave tears flow when it's all done, it makes me love you more. When you look at me with those eyes full of pain and fear and my Momma heart about rips in two bc I want to take it all away, I know God is working in you and making you a stronger person. And when you ask me with tears why you have to be the one with asthma, eczema, itchy toes, why me? I don't have the answer, my sweet girl, but I do know that if anybody has to be brave, it's you. God made you with a special quality of amazing 10 year old strength. You wear that strength with pride, baby girl. My theme song is the one by Sara Bareilles that you have been singing for weeks and weeks......I wanna see you be brave, Emma Jae.
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